I love Halloween. Well, at least the kitchy version of Halloween. I love carving pumpkins. I love decorating the house. I love getting the kids costumes and going to the Halloween Parade at school. I love giving out candy (at least to the little kids).
But scary Halloween? With axe murderers and places that chase you with zombies? With scary movies about killers wearing hockey masks?
Yeah, that Halloween I hate.
When I was a kid, my dad and friends went to the Halloween maze at the Santa Clara County Fairgrounds. I was probably only six at the time. It pretty much screwed me for ever having any fun in a Halloween house ever again. I had nightmares about that house for a long time. All of us kids now grown, fully functioning adults thankyouverymuch laugh about that experience. It scared the tar out of all of us, adults included. We lived. Barely. I’m sure the 15 minutes inside that maze took years off of all our lives. There has to be some mathematical theory that proves that the time space continuum changes while in a Halloween maze. It may have been only 15 minutes but it sure felt like I was trapped inside there for the rest.of.my.life.six.year.old.life.
So when I saw a commercial for Great America’s Halloween Haunt, I knew there was one place that we definitely wouldn’t be trying out this season. After three kids, I’m not sure I have the bladder strength to withstand a run in with zombies. I have no problem admitting that I’m too cowardly to enjoy a night at Halloween Haunt. I’m too much of a scaredy cat to even drop off my terror loving kid and his “loves to lurk around corners and scare the crap outta me” father. They can go on their own.
I’m keeping my blood pressure normal as I just open the door for pint-sized kids in costume.